Let Me Smell You This One......

Kristena was trapped in the house all week with the kids because taking them anywhere in public together is like taking two monkeys to a banana farm, so we decided to go to the Y for a good ole workout. So we started our workout together on the treadmills. After my warm up of 11 minutes I was finished and decided to go lift weights. Really the reason I decided to get off the treadmill is because the guy next to me kept staring at me, in a few seconds you'll realize why. So I started my weight lifting, but stopped when I kept getting a whiff of something foul. So I went to a different machine and again caught the same smell. As the same group of guys were around me I assumed one of them must have had mexican before they came to the gym. Again I changed my location in the gym. About this time Kristena had finished her time on the treadmill and joined me at one of the machines. She immediately caught a whiff of the same odor. At this point I look around to see who has been following me and I realize the only person following me was my shadow. It would seem that the horrible odor was coming from me. I am not sure what the cause was , but I can only assume it was from the asian food my boss served at his dinner party. So the moral of the story: before you cast the first stinky stone at your neighbor make sure you don't have rotten eggs in your pants.

To further ruin my evening at the gym, during one of my stinky lifting attempts I was across from a very young, fit boy. He was probably 17. As I ended one of my sets I said "Darn" because I couldn't do as many reps as I wanted. The nice young lad offered these words of encouragement "It's ok...it's just great that guys your age are working out at all." I looked at the little tyke and asked him just how old he thought I was. He said "40? 45?" At this point I thought about launching the little whipper snapper right through the glass windows in the back of the gym. So I quickly pointed out that I am only 34 to which he replied "Wow." So now I am going to Kristena's free hair dye stash and try and figure out whether I would look better as a blond or a red head.

My final humiliation of the night came as I was sitting 3 feet behind Kristena as she shopped online for maternity clothes. Now the first thing you need to realize is she would never say anything to hurt my feelings. So as we were putting Tyler to bed I mentioned to her that I thought I still smelled even though I had taken a shower. She burst out laughing. Somehow between her fits of laughter she managed to tell me that the smell was coming from my mouth. It seems she had been sitting in quiet desperation as I breathed my dragon breath while she shopped. I promptly scrubbed my teeth (with a free toothbrush) and gums and tongue until I no longer smelled anything except the sweet smell of toothpaste.

Check back often as we will fill you in on what in our house "is growing like a weed"........