He might be....

That seems to be the phrase that keeps playing through my mind. For those of you who don't read my sister Kim's blog it has been a rather eventful week for our family. It started with a call from Kim that my Dad was taken to the ER after having what they thought was a minor stroke. After some tests they let him go home only to have EMS bring him back two days later. This time they were able to identify what is causing the stroke like epsoides and that is brain cancer.(wow that was very hard to type). This concerned the doctor's as it is not common for cancer to form in the brain it often starts somewhere else and then spreads. So they did a CAT scan yesterday which revealed that the cancer most likely started in his liver and is spreading. He won't know where to go from here until after his bioposy on Tuesday. So the phrase started as He might be okay to facing the reality that He might be dying. So as I sit here trying to figure out how to prepare myself for the worst I am also leaning on something that Tom told me tonight that is we don't know anything for sure. There is nothing we can do until we know what we are facing and then we go from there. So the boy inside me wants to believe that my dad will beat this but the man needs to face the worst which is that he may not make it. So I reflect on our past and I try to find a way to cope with this so that I can keep moving. You see, my dad and my realtionship has always been different we went through a long period of time when he and I did not speak and then out of the clear blue sky he called and since then we talk about once a month. Everytime we talk we always never fail to tell each other "I love you". When he called a couple of months ago and came down I told Kristena that I thought he might be sick. While I loved having him and Loretta visit is was something he had very rarely done. As I look back most of my memories center around being angery over his lack of involvement in our lives. So as I face the possibility that I could lose him I begin to regret that time wasted. It seems foolish to have gone for such a long time and not really spoken to each other to realize that there were years lost for reasons to this day I don't remember. So as I looked tonight into Kaitlyn and Tyler's faces and fought back the tears I promised myself that no matter what the kids did or said I never want them to stop talking. Shame on me if allow a moment to pass without stopping long enough to soak in whatever it is they want to take the time to share because before I know it Kaitlyn and Tyler (and the new baby) will have their families and I will be sitting by the phone hoping for just a few moments of their time.

I was driving to the grocery store tonight and I was listening to my Gaither Vocal Band CD and the words to this song overwhelmed me. The song is called "Through": "When I saw what lay before me. Lord I cried what will you do. I thought He would just remove it but he gently led me through." As I cried in my car I cling to the words in that last phrase that even though I wish God would heal my dad and just remove the entire situation I know that somehow he will lead me, my dad, Kim, Tom, Justin and our families through this.

So as you go to sleep tonight make sure those around you know how much you love them. We are never promised tomorrow but we have this moment. I hope that each of you knows how special you are to me. Don't let petty things keep you from loving those around you. So if there is someone that you have not spoken to because of something that happened a long time ago call them this week because at the end of the day it does not matter who is right or who is wrong what matters is that we love each other.