The view from the mens room

As I have mentioned we have a membership to the local YMCA. We actually go to one of the nicest YMCA's I have ever been to. When I was in elementary school my mom and dad decided it would be a good idea for me to take the bus from school to the YMCA to learn how to swim. What they did not bother to check out was the odor in the locker room. To this day if I smell something that smells like socks that have been wore by a 1,000 pound person as they work their way up 117 flights of stairs then used to clean the bottom of a trash can then placed in a zip lock for a week then laid in a locker I think of my first trip to the Y. This would explain why I would hide out in the lobby instead of changing clothes in the locker room and going swimming. At least the lobby smelled like mildew and not like the locker room.

Anyway I think that we should place a disclaimer on this entry. Several of things I will be telling you about are scary and may if you think about them cause you to lose sleep several nights over the next several weeks. But because I have seen them you are about to hear about them.

Now I have just started back to the new Y last week and there are a lot people that have decided to start up. I think its because the summer's here are like living on the surface of the sun. It gets so hot that I am thinking about strapping sponges underneath my armpits to keep from sweating through my shirts. But back to what I saw this morning. As I was doing some reps on the old machines I glanced up and saw what I thought was a man working out in a pair of running shorts and a sports bra. So as you might imagine I did a double take. It is not often in life you see a large male working out in a public gym wearing only a bra and shorts. I was disappointed in the my large workout buddy fat people should never expose that much flesh especially as he had an extremely hairy upper body especially in the belly area. But then it all went wrong. He spoke. And much to my surprise those were not man boobs he was sporting he was a she. She had more hair on her chest than my Uncle Keever and that my friends is making a statement. Now I know your thinking maybe she was still a he and he just sounded like Michael Jackson. I tell you that is not true. Although I was wondering if a sports bra would be comfortable for a guy. I think since I have put on some weight I am probably a nice 58 C. Picture that as you try and go to sleep tonight.

As I stated above this is a very nice Y. A lot of doctors and professional people work out there and that makes it very nice. However, I have found at least with these men there is no...how do I say.... modesty. So I have attempted to write a poem summarizing my experience today at the Y. It is not something that you will ever see in a book of poetry but hey got to start somewhere.

I stood by a sink shaving my face with my pants and my shirt and my shoes all laced. But what did my wondering eyes did I see but a man in buff for the whole world to see. He did not reach to cover up his parts but picked at his butt and his other manly parts. Pick, Pick, Pick he continued his quest but how far would he dig before he regressed. I watched as he paused and seemed to relax but do you think he got dressed? Not this man of absolutely no tact. Instead of reaching for his pants or a shirt. He sniffed at his finger, stared at his back admiring himself but still focused on his crack. As I ran for the door I heard myself plead please cover your berries and nuts would you please.

So that was my workout this morning. My wife is telling me that I need to go to bed because it is late. I have copyrighted the poem so no using it for term papers or Jason in your next sermon at church. Have a super weekend and I will post again soon.